Recently I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself. That sorrow was magnified the other day as I spent some time with a couple of old college classmates. They were discussing their large salaries and hinted at lucrative retirement monies awaiting disbursal at the appropriate time. I saw the beautiful home that one of them lived in. And I could not help but compare what I saw and heard with my present reality. But God quickly interrupted my pity party to set me straight.
First, I received a Facebook message right in the middle of having dinner with these same people. It was a friend from the congregation of the last church where I ministered. He started attending while I was there and God began doing some wonderful things in his life. In his message he thanked me for a sermon he heard me preach which had been placed on the Internet. He went on to say some very nice things about me and my ministry. And suddenly God said to me, “that changed life is your prize, there is your reward.” Huh. Thank you God. Point made.
And then just this morning on television I saw a brief show about Stephen Hawking. He is of course a world renowned physicist. But he has a real problem. He has ALS. This is a debilitating disease which progresses over the years. For quite some time he’s been able to communicate through a speech generating device. The device operates when Hawking uses a small stylus to touch the screen. Sadly, his body has failed to the point that he is nearly entirely paralyzed. The television show revealed that the only remaining movement in his body is the twitch of a small muscle in his cheek. Computer experts have actually adapted Hawkings speech generator to respond to that minuscule twitch in his cheek. It is now his only way to communicate the brilliant thoughts which threaten to be trapped in his failing body. And then God made his point again. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You really don’t have it that bad.”
So at least for today the pity party has closed up shop and I am so glad for what I have. And best of all, although I am on the backside of the mountain, God has more in store.
Thank you for being transparent enough to share this, Randy. I’ve actually been thinking about you and Jacquie a lot lately, and have added prayers to my thoughts. I’ll continue to do this …
~Brenda
My Dear Friend Randy; my old Burpo Brother, and Brother in Christ –
Your article and this site are wonderful. You hit me between the eyes with your comments. You and I have shared about all that I have dealt with over the last 6 years or so being on disability. Nothing has changed…at times it is even a little worse. And, like you…I see the wonderful comments by some of our old college friends and their successes, I see how happy they are with their wonderful spouses they married right after we graduated while I am divorced. I see the extended families, good jobs, good retirements while I squeak by on disability. I cringe and hurt and am frustrated more than words can even communicate. I raised my son from the age of 18 mos. after my wife left us, I worked over 35 years in management with long, long hours, stress, being a single father, etc. I was finally allowed (or so I thought) by God to go back for my Master’s in Counseling Psychology. I was running a 3.73 GPA, and the University wanted me to teach there while I hoped to work on a Doctorate in Neuropsychology. I even found a wonderful woman, and our relationship developed to a point where it finally looked like I would be blessed with a loving wife. Then, BAM!! Here I am on disability at an age, that if I did get “healed” I’d be very hard pressed to find a decent job; I had completed all my academics but wasn’t able to do my internships, and unfortunately, the relationship with the woman I love so very much fell apart. I am very lonely, very confused at times, and struggle with this so called great “plan” and “purpose” for my life that God has.
So your words hit me. Thinking about Dr. Hawking, the millions of people confined to wheelchairs, those whose lives that have been stolen by Alzheimer’s, those who have not family or friends, and those that don’t know Jesus…I felt guilty…shamed…embarrassed. Do I hurt any less, no. Do I struggle any less with those things that weigh me down and torment me…no. But I do have a God that, I hope, has used the tough times in my life to touch or encourage others. I have Jesus who says “I know you don’t understand what is happening now, but you will later”, I do, praise God, still have many precious friends from high school and Olivet, a loving family, and most of all…salvation and an eternal hope and promise of forever love with Jesus.
So, thank you my precious friend, for sharing your heart and using this site, God has used you already to help me, and no doubt, many, many more to come in the future. So it is with great love and prayer that I thank you for listening to the Spirit, obeying Him, and sharing your heart in service of our King. It is YOU Randy, that is he richest…it is YOU that is blessed more than you know, and it is YOU that our Father is using to spread the most important thing of all – His love through the Gospel. May He be especially close to you and Jacquie, meet your needs, and bless you with peace, joy, and happiness in your big wonderful heart. Your Brother, Tim Garner
God indeed has more in store for you! You have been His faithful servant and the lives you have touched probably cannot be counted on your fingers and toes! I still look forward to someday getting to hear you preach.
Are BURPO sisters allowed?????????