It’s a mistake to listen to the negative criticism of others.
It’s tempting to let them into your world. The critics are giving advice. At least they are paying you some attention. But listening to the negative critics is a mistake.
Sometimes the criticism is in your face. But many critics have learned the art of giving criticism in subtle ways.
You may have heard comments like these:
- What makes you think you can do that? (Translation: You don’t have the needed skills to succeed.)
- I’m not sure you will be able to make that happen. (Translation: You lack creativity.)
- You’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. (Translation: You never learn from your mistakes.)
- It’s a great goal but that’s going to take a lot of work. (Translation: You are too lazy to get it done.)
- That will take an Einstein to accomplish that goal! (Translation: You are too dumb to figure it out.)
Negative criticism hurts. It kills dreams. It can cause you to cave in and prevent forward movement. It threatens to make you a permanent resident in the Land of Mediocrity.
If this describes you, then you are not free from the negative criticism of others.
One of the core principles of the ReFIRE process reminds us we must be FREE to live our own lives. This includes being free from the negative criticism of others. Last week I wrote an article titled “Stop Worrying About What Others Think: Get a Tattoo.”
This present article explores the 5 reasons it is a mistake to listen to the criticism of others.
1. People who give you negative criticism don’t want you to succeed.
When I lost a lot of weight people began to tell me how sick I looked. I even heard a few say it made me look much older. It shocked me to realize they weren’t happy with my success. Why not? I believe my success made them feel like failures. They wanted me to remain like them: overweight and unhealthy.
Negative criticism from others might be a sign you are on the right track. It might mean your success is making those around you who are not successful, feel uncomfortable. Keep on going. Refuse to give in to those who try to hold you back to their level.
2. People who give you negative criticism don’t have all the facts.
People are quick to jump to the conclusions. They examine a few facts and rush to judgement. This is one reason why people hand out negative criticism like politicians kissing babies during the campaign. Your critics simply do not have all the facts.
Why would you allow someone to stop your forward progress with “advice” based on only part of the facts? They might be good people but their criticism is flawed because of a lack of information.
3. People who give you negative criticism don’t have their own lives together.
Imagine a hack writer like me giving prolific writer Stephen King advice on how to improve his writing. Ridiculous! He is a master writer and I struggle to avoid the use of the passive tense.
Do you see how the analogy fits when you think of your critics? Many of them are struggling to get their own life on track. Their life journey is riddled with miscues and bad decisions. Why would you allow them to give you direction on how to run your life?
When you receive negative criticism consider the source. If the one criticizing you has a terrific life and a track record of making good choices you might want to pay attention. But most of the time you will discover the criticism is coming from someone who ought to look in the mirror and give advice to themselves.
4. People who give you negative criticism are not required to live by the criticism they give.
Critics have the luxury of giving advice which doesn’t impact their lives. They can tell you to stop trying because the goal is out of your reach. They can let you know you didn’t do good enough. They say any negative thing which crosses their mind. But at the end of the day they can go home to their own life.
The negative critic has no skin in your game. They can try to destroy you or bring you down but it’s YOUR life, not theirs. You are the one who must make the right choices. You will live with the consequences of your decisions, not the negative critics.
Make the decision to allow the negative words of the critic to fall harmlessly to the ground. Change nothing. Keep dreaming. Keep believing. Keep striving. Live your life.
You can never make the rest of your life the best of life unless you are free.
As usual, I’ve been enjoying your nuggets of wisdom, my friend. Your words regarding retirement are a good encouragement to me as I continue to contemplate my future. I must say, however, that this particular article comes at an especially good time for me. It is amazing how vulnerable I continue to be to criticism. I appreciate the four reasons given for ignoring them. Now, if I can just get myself to let myself be set free by using them. You are a good friend. Blessing on you.
Thanks! I’m honored to have you as a reader but even more honored to call you a friend. Don’t give the boo-birds any power!
So true. Negative people can bring us down. As our pastor shared yesterday, Jesus interacted with all people. Didn’t label people. Loved everyone.
Me three! I agree with this article, too. Some folks just seem to have their happiness switch permanently stuck in the OFF position, poor things. They struggle with chronic anger, or they may be depressed and not know it. Unfortunately, they can be toxic if the rest of us don’t learn to put up our invisible shields whenever we come in contact with them. I bless them and I have empathy for their struggles, but I also work very, very hard not to let them contaminate my life.
Thanks for your great comment!
I often find that my own worst critic is buried deep within myself. Programmed there from growing up with a critical parent and a negative now ex-husband, who I didn’t realize was another version of my negative parent until I got free of him. I sometimes have to not give voice to my negative critic who thinks such thoughts about friends and loved ones. As others have said, it can be toxic to good relationships. I try not to listen to these thoughts, but if I do happen to think them, I send them on their way without giving them any power.
As it relates to the outer critics you write about, it is so helpful to surround oneself with positive people who applaud our efforts and encourage us to succeed. True friends recognize our efforts and help us feel proud of trying new things. Thanks for your thoughtful writing.
Hi Michelle. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and a little about yourself. It’s interesting to me that you are the second person to link this article with self being a negative critic. I guess to some extent we all struggle with this.
“You’ve tried that before and it didn’t work.”
Ooo. That one grabbed me. I think that’s a favorite pet self-statement!
Yeah, like what makes me think that it could be different this time??!! Weeeell, cuz I’ve a boatload more experience … and I’ve found at least one way that it doesn’t work, right?? (excuse me while I have a conversation with myself here!)
And BINGO!!!: “I believe my success made them feel like failures.” Totally! And along with this is their projecting their own inabilities, weaknesses, fears of risk-taking and such on you. I hesitate to say that I think that I’ve found myself doing this to others in the past. Yikes.
So, yes. One must consider the source. Even if the source of the negative criticism is from one who is quite accomplished at it: me. :)